the pain i feel linside and outside continues to keep being inside me everyday and night from bipolar depression and virus when I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again so I don't have to feel pain depression but I'm still here and don't know why. partly because I don't know if she mother passes away before me do I get this house and life insurance and a part a fair part of ML account I have no document saying so with ML account and have old will I don't want to have to deal with again being homeless and trying to get a job so old it would be hard to but these are the things that do concern me all the time everyday and night. I can barely eat or sleep due to all these things I'm leaning all the way to God on this . I do get food stamps again on 8/17 starting back to 6 months and then see if get it then or if not just liquids protein drinks. I just hope God takes care of it regarding the will for her. and if someone receives this journal on this page if I die and it's before her then make sure mom cremates me and puts me in a basic vase nothing fancy. will my koala bear stuffed animal beside the vase and what ever is left that I haven't paid to make sure it is paid all I know of is a student loan I had for my early childhood administration classes and assistant director classes far as I know it is 3.000 and change the only bill I know that is owed. and to make sure fifth third bank and first citizens bank are closed accounts and get the amounts left over for mom if mom isn't alive when I pass then to my daughter Emily Madison Riley preslar or any of my family members left .I do hope I'm the one to go first it continues to be a very hard life to survive or even get up in the morning everyday and hard for going to sleep every night

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