punishing myself I don't need so called mother and her 2 non family members to me judge and condemn me I do it on my own don't need them pitching in. I'm done talking reacting or doing anything with or for her why would I she took everything from me already not taking house or little house. dont react stay silent and detach they want you to kill yourself or react or anything bad so they use that to destroy you more it's part of the devil's actions. that's why God I'm letting you handle her and to me her 2 non family members in my eyes the bed ever who treated me very good was nanny I cannot believe or see that she had BG and jp they are both very unkind judgemental condemning type people one so called mother not good. since she took basically everything from me can't work cant date can't do really anything have to stay in here if want part of anything in the will cause if did fp any of those things she'll throw my stuff away period it's happened before several times why would it not again it's how she is so called mother I don't think she's a very good mom ever when she had best mom. I'm not coming out of my room no more food if I decide for me in July for one meal it's eggs bacon toast and maybe jasmine rice no more getting lots of food ordering a lot have to save a lot see about august. but will be just for me nothing of hers. I'm done with trying or talking or anything I'm waiting right here iny room till I don't wake up again I hope it's sooner than later. I think I've lost my memory too I can't remember a pin number can't remember she said in a whisper to her brother that is my family and especially not LG and barely barely jp. I don't want any knocking on my door saying want to talk usually that means wanting to condemn me more judgements and take away more from me I want to stay away from that by detaching and silence I'm sick very much from virus and when I was homeless that's not happening again it's either little shed house my room and den area or maybe garage too can fix that up sometime too and dump some of that stuff in there when I feel a little better and get strength. I know it's lies about the will but I will be here for now seems trying to take all of from me when passes so I'm still here now I'll make best of it cause of God but I want to be alone and stop messing with me causing anymore problems BG and LG are not to come around me period stay in own areas of kitchen mainly not near me at all finally got their evil away now seems to me very bad vibes with her if I had a more higher paying job money which means I would not be here but I'm stuck so just have to survive hopefully it won't be too much longer before I'm passing on away from all this pain judging condemning when so called mother has stolen too before and has been unstable too and confused incoherent and very much memory loss well looks like so am I don't remember all what has happened or did anything it's all been washed away from my mind and brain. no one gets it about the severe bipolar depression it is worse and worse everyday you are just trying to hang on cause God will be one to take you not myself but it's very hard to wait for that after you've been knocked down so much and get back up over and over and over again to a world a place especially with this mean cruel evil mother who when doesn't get her way she takes you off a will and puts other 3 people on it and leaves me if I still alive with just li and maybe the house and definitely though the little house. I'm tired of doing anything I'm at my last thread to barely survive when you live with someone you thought you knew and now you see you don't it's judgement condemning me talking about me trying to punishing me in a secretive and silent way its evil and it only has gotten worse and most of this that I have suffered from was from so called mother I don't trust her or her 3 minions devil's it's how I feel and what I have seen in actions and know if stay right in here till maybe later this evening is best for me don't knock on door are you ok in there when answer will always be no if you would have just what I prefer aborted me I wouldn't have to deal and bit by tiny bit try to survive for what I have no life no money no family in action I see and no chance of living somewhere else cause she mainly has taking it all from me and seems doing it still when she passes.its hard to be close to someone that would turn on you in a heartbeat if it better meets their needs but she's done way enough I'm least here to one of us dies and I'm counting on it being me. the only one the only one to judge me is God not BG LG DF or jp or any of her minions of devil in them gets to do that and I base myself on that cause that's what they want obviously of course they don't know me at all cause if they did they would know I've already and continuing to punish myself don't need it from the devil's gang to join in I no longer feel anything so keep trying with devilious games you and your evil gang keeping playing there's no more feelings here I'm dead inside and broken and already damaged I've had the worst of things I have survived I'm still very sick though from the homeless times which is from her mainly actions have proven that. I'm not eating anything maybe some liquids I've lost my appetite can't eat now barely sleep or have any energy just drained but even though devil has sent his stupid minions you take me down the Lowest that they can God still wants me here for some reason do know why at all but I know I'm not here for the who by any means. I just have to barely survive for me and not care what so called minions and so called mother says or does it get LG and BG they are not to knock on my door or bother me period I don't know them and I don't want to in actions I've seen with so called mother.