I really feel weak, body aches headache possibly turning into migraine I'm running out of energy to do anything or want to anything. I'm starting fasting on Monday just liquids see how it goes if want to eat it will be just one main meal a day period then maybe nothing starting in August for sure if I'm still alive. I've been broken damaged insulted emotional abuse neglect abandonment and manipulation she destroyed my so called life cannot work hopefully I will die before her please God let that be I don't want to have to deal with being homeless again and if she leaves me with nothing that all she called About the old will and they said still same still me as everything left with the estate and that i get li payment I 60 40 that is what I will receive I just don't know about ML after all that is happened there let's see who is on phone calling and if I have to punish myself again if it's DF GL or BG or CP that gets all with this will crap or do I I'm not sure and that is bothering me knowing them how they do things I don't know if they try to take little house from me but nope not going to happen I fixed that up wish I could paint it. but I think I'll take wash cloth with water and soap on it see if I clean off it some maybe today or tomorrow will see. I'm only here for my room and little house and got to have bathroom those are it not here for her cause her loneliness i prefer alone and loneliness. well my dreams of getting a log cabin to just rent in Forest or woods is out looks like all I have maybe is an intown suites or extended stay not sure where I'll go or be have wants and needs but not sure what money I'll receive that's guaranteed that's why I'm doing less cause need to save food stamps especially when I may not receive any in august and so forth. I'd hate to have to get some part time jobs at whatever age I'll be when she passes cannot now cause mental bipolar depression is bad and physically too. how much more this so calling mother wants to continue to destroy me she's already taking my chance to work live date all of that cause if I did she would throw my stuff away in my room bathroom and wherever I have stuff so cannot leave her alone due to that and do to her stupid loneliness I'm tired of being asked when am I coming out of my room and what we are eating not and not I say I'm done I just want to die in my sleep peacefully that's it and my koala bear beside me. she only cares for her not me or really anyone for that matter. just leave me alone. let me be. God be with me please need it badly

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