didn't memory right not sure if so called mother woke me up last night knocking on door and trying to turn handle to open that is exactly why I lock my door ineec a want privacy and to be alone. I can hardly eat or sleep now these days due to the very bad bipolar depression I suffer daily and can't really sleep either due to physical and mental really bad. it's like she doesn't sleep much looks like but can still sure eat seems like three meals a day I can barely eat one. God be with me here again this is something used to me again to react and I'm not just said trying to sleep leave me alone she doesn't seem to listen oh well neither am I. I don't know memory faded away too. detach and silence until I die period. if want to be in my bed cause I'll I will if I want to go in den and watch some shows or movies will do so if I want to eat I will if not I won't so far right now I don't know losing my appetite maybe I'll eat later will see just if I do it's just one meal a day period or nothing but liquids. can't seem to remember things now guess that will get worse I'm sure. today is in all day completely and probably a sponge bath today not really feeling like doing a lot no more cooking just getting little things on 7/17 and don't know about Aug and don't really care I'll just do liquids it's fine no big deal with me it's mainly her and the gotta eat thing not me don't really care about 930 10 am gotta take more sleep medicine since was woken up l think last night don't really remember with this virus and getting older and not sleeping already not good and not really wanting to cook or eat just not feeling anything lately looking like this 55 year old the bipolar depression seems worse not sleeping and not really eating worse too. I guess just tired of fighting or surviving or anything since I've done that for so long. not really in mood for anything don't too need to be told God is In control one I know this he is the only changing the way I react to bad evil behaviors from so called family member or members. due to being punished for being unstable and a thief that's what I've been called lately oh and cohearsting someone which is a no there she'll do what she wants doesn't listen to me and I wouldn't do that she make her own decisions at least think anybody cohearsting her would be LG and BG not me. I didn't tell her to change will several times that was LG and DF and probably BG too I didn't tell her to do ML for her finances with that's LG and BG she listed to just like the will changes about 3 times didn't tell her to do that. all I want is my fair part of ML and all with the estate and life ins. don't really care about power of attorney type of will just definitely my little shed house and the house, life ins. and my fair part with ML account. but hopefully I don't have to worry or be concerned or bothered by the will either me not getting a lot to nothing cause I'm hoping I'll be dead before her. then she would have to pay for the cremation and vase no funeral at all don't want that just cremation, vase and my koala bear right there to me don't really have a family so called mother hasn't been the greatest. remaining silent and detached is what's best of me at this time or anytime till I get called by God hopefully sooner than later it's been very hard to survive and fight through everything very hard. whatever any of them say or do meaning so called family don't get upset or react just say ok then a detach and silence they want you to react very badly but don't you do the silence and detach way of handling all the crap that so called mother always wants to start