another day God I'm still here why I have to continue to suffer why over one mistake, misunderstanding I did not being judged or condemned by you cause I know you forgave me and I know that is all that matters but please God keep non family members not mine but so called mother's family of LG and BG and Keep away jp to lord I'm trying to detach and be silent and want to be alone but she keeps coming in den in afternoon or night being fake I don't want to be around her guess I'm staying in my room today till about 7 or so but if she gets rid of cable TV and Internet need to make sure this phone still works even if no Internet at the house I wouldn't be surprised she would do that among anything else she can take away. I want to be alone why does she keep bothering me I don't her. the only mother I would say is to me is my nanny she was always there for me and kind caring helpful never judged or condemned me or ever call me names still don't know how she ever had BG and jp total opposites of nanny. they say God doesn't make mistakes and I do believe it but why did when father took a pill to have me why did I have to be brought into this world and be with those people when all they wanted was a son when they got the son could have given me up for adoption but no decided to watch me suffer teenager years into adult years I am 55 and still here to suffer why can't she go to a nursing home or pass on God why are you continuing to have her still here I'm never going to forget what she's done to me even worse as to what I've done but there's people out there who have done worse then me and they are I'm sure still have caring and loving from their mother. why is she still here why to fix wil make sure I get my fair share not asking for much even what I did she doesn't see her son but he still gets in the will and seems sneaky behaviors with her and non family members to me gets I guess something. I still have to save and save and save at least 100 dollars a month from her due to having to be here dealing with whatever she tries to pull up ahead but I choose which I have that right to not speak one to non family members and two I don't have to speak to her either or be around her if I do not want to period. she has lied several times and then judged and condem non family members I consider what else do the sneaky behaviors do they have where I constantly have to be treated like I'm a criminal when I'm not was a mistake and misunderstanding period. she so called mother just biological is all no relationship ever again except for 100 dollars she continues to owe me each month till I die for just having me when she should have aborted me or put me up for adoption but she didn't she was selfish just like she still is now cares only about herself nothing about me well I'm not going to have to keep dealing and become homeless several times that little house I'll be in or house when you go to nursing home or pass away one. it's best I stay in my room all day today maybe even till this evening nothing good on TV till about 7 or 8 pm hopefully she will not come in I will continue to say don't but knowing her she probably will ok whatever I'll pretend she isn't there or here let's try that again with the silence cause I can't walk away at this time I have no money to be able to do so just have little house which needs air for sure like a small fan. I'm still very sick still from virus gotten worse for her causing my homeless situation several times I still don't understand God why do you have her still how can I honor a father and mother who never one of the cared or loved me it was just his son and a so called mother who only wanted that too but he seems not to want to be here only LG and BG my so called biological mom she may have had me can't do anything with that didn't have a choice then but to this day I do and only mom that acted like a mom to me was nanny and that will never change. this biological mother has taking just about everything from me when I know she's lying about ML account not surprised there with LG and DF cohearsting her to if anyone is cohersing her it's LG and BG and DF and anyone else LG has spread information about me unstable yes I am from bipolar depression very bad a thief no I did ask consent to use the card for Uber rides and to the store at that time that she agreed on that to be set up by the other person at ML the only mistake and misunderstanding that happened was how much money if that to use, she never communicated with me and never still doesn't she goes around me and communicates to her so called family they aren't mine period and she is only biological doesn't mean it's the type of mom I considered or looked up to it was nanny and always will be but she's gone so I just have to keep trying to survive but it is harder and harder and harder to hang on I just don't know why I have to continue to suffer and none of attempts to die he want let happen has to keep being here I am staying in my room all day it's my room and my choice I don't want really anymore flowers I'm going to open my little house window today for air not eating anything don't feel like it maybe later afternoon 2 or 3 breakfast trying to at least eat one meal a day but even that's hard and don't sleep very well either I'm tired God of fighting all these devil actions I'm not anymore you take it for me I am leaving it all up to you keep those non family members away from me period and biological mother too doesn't really make you a mother cause all you taught me is bad mother to be that's why my daughter was adopted by her farther and whoever person he is with cause I had no teaching no treatment of what a good mother is so couldn't be to her what I wish I could but she is in a better family I wish this so called biological mother and her husband put me up for adoption to have a better chance of a better life. she took job away she took dating away she took and made my depression severely worse she seems now to take home away no money except a lf ins that's only 10,000 really wouldn't be surprised if she took my little house shed away don't think so there you done enough way more than enough she took and threw away most of my clothes away or anything else like tables or whatever was in here that's stealing and she has memory loss and confusion and unstable too. but no one judging her for it just me well they can let them as I heard several motivation speakers say God was left with nothing before and people he thought would not do what they did but they did he died but he rose up for me and everyone else and I think that's the best that can happen and know to people like us. I am putting 20 dollars aside starting today to save I've got a bit to go trying to see if I can get up to about 600 or 700 at least a week at an in town suites but have to include 150 I think that's security deposit if not back up is little shed house and pop up tent with blanket and a comforter make to a sleeping pad and sleeping bag and I have a pink bag just would have basic necessities in it will give her the note on 16 th of each month for 100 dollars check to write for 17th one only ride to bank and walk back since seems not the best to get a ride back but would have to only if it rains or bad weather and if I'm still alive next year in June 2026 for state id only she would have to come on all these dates cause I have no trust in her at all that's one of the reasons cant get a job and work due to she would get rid of all my stuff she's done it times before she took hotel money from me just about everything all I have is my room my little house shed and my stuff in both and my pop up tent just about it . I'm here again today as I've said before what will happen today God please be with me through all of this even surprises that wasn't aware of. remembering pay for ride to bank walk back if I need anything else I will order it if I have money to kinda hoping no food stamps I'm just not wanting to eat really I hardly sleep and barely surviving and why it's just because of you. you want let me die when that's so much what I want don't see so called biological mother doing so or nursing home just still here unfortunately to either accuse me of things bothering me whispering about me whatever let them it's their own issues and problems to put on me but I'm done and God will handle all of them and whoever else she gets cause I give up. rake care of each other ha ha that's a laugh not happening ever again if I get Aug food stamps is very little and one items of things I might or might not eat mainly it is drinks I might eat my eggs and bacon and toast right now and then that's it or I may not anything I don't know my choice my crappy body and self good luck to me again today what will happen