well story of my life continues

Here I am for some reason still alive and not sure want to be still and been punishing myself for mistakes or a big mistake I made don't know how else to do so even all has been forgiven looks like. It's mom's bday and I do best can for that plants  walking I gave a card and a nice gift her color mint green trinket tulip where you can put things in. It's for mother's Day too. Then on 5/17 getting at store something like a chocolate brownie or a little cupcake with vanilla ice cream, and a good dinner later on 5/17 like maybe blt potato salad chips and dip or pasta salad. Hopefully turkey bacon will be ok in oven. It's what I got so far. For my bday I think just on 6/17 get a little bit of things at dollar tree a small fan if have it and candles, decor tablet, word finder books things like that is what I like maybe some hair  gel and hair clips. Will see on 6/17. Hopefully still get food. Stamps in. 8/31/25. If not just eat some of her food and she could get Diane or LG to do it once a month when mine ends I will save all before it or most I can and then move it to the 2nd month till once a month maybe if enough get some food from GrubHub or doordash or McDonald's since cheap if needed. I don't make the rules on food stamps it's government and needs to stop making me feel bad on all that cannot drive anymore due to eye sight and arthritis bad and cannot pay so had to sell get rid of car only got 2,000 dollars even for the 2010 which could have been 10,000 is what it is. May God be with me getting harder and harder to even be here. I don't like at and t or that phone I'll let them handle it and see maybe repair man would come this week if not see they do anything else then guess I will. Good luck to me always seems to fall back on me. She better if I do it not to let those 4 people come here or. Alot here BG and LG cause I'm needed to detach due to my mental state that have caused some of it lately hard to detach from mother I have only till death my room and little house. May God lead me to what he wants and to do something with me to make my last however long will be and hope mostly peace and stress to fade away