seems I keep punishing myself right now it's throwing up I just don't want to live period but it's hard don't want to leave my little house and sometimes my house or koala bear basically I want to have say on all that. it's hard everything is everyday don't know when it will stop. yes some things her brother said to me did make me feel more thinking of suicide it's hard especially when someone says that to shocking it's family but maybe should it be it's hard to trust my own mother too but she said always should and that we are close but I dont really think so just how I feel after what has happened to me. who knows if happens again. will I be in a chair in the woods and blanket and pillow and small stuff or my little house or pop up tent.