I'm trying not to complain or feel ways I feel but I just can't help it sometimes I wonder would it be better if she passes away I know if I did would be better for me. I do constantly ask God why but I never get a straight answer just make best of it meditate try to walk and pray pray pray and pray and I have done that every night and day and am and I still feel lost uncertainty confusion and why can't a sucide attempt work all I want is to sleep and never wake up again my life is destroyed I cannot work, drive or really anything from this and only one gets this is God people that experience this and my koala bear always by my side what kind of mother preys on her depression uses what suffering from doesn't care if homeless or was or whatever thought I had one parent who cared now I have 0 which what I see wasn't much to start with. as I've said before where's those 4 people she'd call to complain about me on don't see them here and I wouldn't either if I had a place to go and live. I'm here looks like till one of us dies if even that's the truth or sell house and I get 1/2 and she goes to nursing home sorry God how can coming back here be the best should have come back just for my little house and money for 1/2 house but I only have little house. she will continue the 100 a month not here for nothing if not then little house more in and get groceries myself cause have to with food stamps if not have it then no food or anything I can die then and my all kind drinks. so either way I will survive don't see you survive homeless you couldn't wish could experience it but doesn't look like that is happening or maybe something else so can experience pain I go through every day. mother's day sucks just makes me think of the little babies I miscarried. hopefully one day I'll be there soon