here we go again then coming as always hopefully this will be it unless birthday out then maybe they'll be gone awhile on a birthday who knows. as long as they leave me alone I don't bother them don't bother me I'm barely surviving Maybe I'll be sicker probably that day. it's getting old me having to do everything with the walking which now not a lot too sick to continue that and store in August yuck don't feel like going but 100 a month will stay no matter what it is agreed upon period maybe I'll get a good pop up tent like a nice one for woods cheaper then a cabin if have too and if police tell me to move I'll know what to do and say then. cause after twice of the abandonment and manipulating and gas lighting, using and putting me down that I should help when they have no clue every day and night I face. no other so called people hopefully won't call cause if so then I'm done period just in my room and stay and do nothing no cooking, walking any of the light things I've been doing and especially if takes money away too. I can only hope to die and be gone for good but way looks now I'm stuck and have no where to go this is where I am at right now but my little house and if get a nice pop up tent and way far in the woods area. that's if one I'm constantly threatened or bothered. I'm trying to do self care and meditate but it's hard when your constantly around so called family that makes it worse. she keeps asking I'm ok and no I'm not and I wont be till somehow I'm dead. that's why I need my little bottles to erase moods and feelings I just want numbness when you feel just makes it worse. if I did win lottery I will be in the cabin in the woods that would be dream for me, wouldnt need power, tv, I can't hike find other things to do it would be serene and peace I manifest that to happen but hard to when you don't have any money for that.